Tuesday, March 3, 2009

To Mama "Loosing My Consciousness".

Times are always different in situations, sometimes time holds me back; sometimes takes me towards a new direction. Back and forth, back and forth, well.. it’s a drama and the heart sometimes becomes a rebellion and turns into a wild mind just to bring the stability into life; looks for wilderness; where to go from here.. ?
blah, blah, Blah!!!
Liquor is a solution, he thinks.. sure! Get myself a couple of bottles of scotch; not for too long though, just to kill the rebellion and greenitize the wild wild wilderness; cool it down a little bit; not too much though.

It works, sure it does. She kills all the oppressions, hatred, anger; turns them into an emotional chaos; she melts it all, oh yes.. she does; she pours them all down on the cheeks right below my eyes.

She is a player!!! She takes me to the golden age, every little memories, drowns me into the ocean of imagination. It opens a new page erasing the bad memories, what I was, what I did, what I went through, sometimes even my existence. It’s like another person within myself and it surely doesn’t match my personality.

Memories, current situations all mix together and attack the brain cells; blood pressure rises up constantly; eyes turn into some reddish traffic light; she still pushes her limit to the end. Sometimes on, eyes are the first ones to feel the power of this exultation, exhaustion and weary. I feel the pain of my own eyes betraying me; make me collapse as I was some sort of iceberg or broken pole; fall into some endless sleep.

Is it the end? Does it ever end... Sigh!! Here I am in another kingdom, millions of dreams take place; it’s a long way; seems like it never ends. So many faces appear, so many voices, as they are all so familiar. Familiar? Everything familiar I know.. the eyes, mind, soul all betray in time go back the creator, get resurrected, ask for a fresh start. What’s the point of it? Do we ever get a chance for a fresh start?

The delusion ends at last, wake up in the morning with the smell of damn alcohol in my breath. Freshen up for the day; forget all the things that happened last night; try to bring some reality in this machinery life. Not bad mama, what do you expect? This is how it's supposed to be.

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